I Can See Now: episode 3 of SOUNDTRACK through a Break-Up

SONG #3
"I need my conscience to keep watch over me to protect me from myself." Dead Can Dance, I couldn't have said it better myself. Prayer was the only thing I had to keep me away from self-destruction at times.

But it felt like so much more than that was needed to protect me from diving into the pain of focusing on the loss of trust, loss of connection, and loss of love.

Despite my best efforts, that deep sorrow and sense of loss would slip in.

Fortunately, I've been blessed with riding the merry-go-round-of-loss multiple times, and this one (the one I'm on, anyway) spirals up. So, I've learned (even if my heart and other emotionally responsive parts haven't caught up yet) that the clearing out of the old always means there's something even more beautiful moving in.

So, when I found myself feeling loss, I would really let myself feel it and then, without getting stuck, I would use the energy of the pain to keep me pushing through into breathing out the fears of that pain happening again and keeping my heart as open as possible in each moment.

It is hard to imagine something better in the middle of despair. It's hard to see anything positively inside the heaviness of loss, but I had faith in the lessons I've learned from the past, and the many stories of HERO'S JOURNEYS that have inspired me and every generation of our ancestors from the beginning of time.

So, I continued to look for the path through the darkness and breathed and looked for the glimmers of light that came from my family, friends, messages from nature and my meditations.

It worked!

It was intense, and incredibly empowering to be able to not only look at, but to see things that were frightening. For me, this was the only way. I was inspired that it might be helpful for you too . . .

So, you're cordially invited to continue to join me
for my SOUNDTRACK THROUGH A BREAK-UP: A Victorious LOVE Story.

Click on the You Tube link for the 3rd song
and ENJOY the journey!
SONG #3

episode 2: Heartbeats

"One night to be confused. One night to speed up truth, we had a promise made . . . We were in love . . ."

Song #2

I found it important, as I felt ready to start shedding the old skin of my relationship, that it was important to connect with the good times, even though I knew that might be painful.

So, I went through photos of the fun times I'd had with my partner and I went to my iTunes collection and looked up those songs that I thought might just crack me right in half, and I listened to them while I did yoga and walked in nature, slowly untwisting the deeply embedded knots from my body and my spirit.

I had a break-up many years ago that was deeply painful and it was over a year before I could listen to bjork's Vespertine. This time, I had the energetic and emotional luxury of really going to the heart of my emotions, and music was a powerful doorway to pass into it. The music did bring up a lot of emotions, and though I didn't want to wallow in them, it felt really important to allow myself to grieve.

Not only was it important to be real with my feelings, it felt important to honor the passing of such a powerful relationship.

It was intense, and incredibly satisfying to be able to let go. For me, this was the only way. I was inspired that it might be helpful for you too . . .

So, you're cordially invited to continue to join me for my SOUNDTRACK THROUGH A BREAK-UP: A Victorious LOVE Story.

Hope you enjoy this next song!
Song #2

Movin Right Along: Dance in your blood

SONG #1: Movin' Right Along

Is it just my circle of friends or was last year all about the end of many relationships? Mine certainly bit the dust. And that, along with the contractions and shifts of consciousness and geological relationships, I took a deep journey into the underworld.

Whew! Thank godness for the new year!

The only thing that got me through the waves of darkness and pain that came crashing in was to use those moments of paralysis to just surrender and allow myself to simply focus on caring for myself as best I could in the moment. If that meant just consciously breathing, beautiful. Or it might mean doing a deep yoga, meditation and prayer practice.

I remember telling my mom once (who is a pray-er and a worrier) that "worry is like praying for what you don't want." I later heard Eckhart Tolle say the exact same thing, and it's TRUE. So as soon as I catch myself worrying, I take that very moment to ask my brain to wrap around a PRAYER for what I DO WANT. I BREATHE that prayer in to the place that's contracted in fear and keep doing that until the prayer resides where the worry once was.

I really resonate with the Rumi poem that ends like this:

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi (13th century)

I can't prevent the hard stuff from hitting. I can't prevent the loss. I can't prevent the chaos, but I CAN choose how I navigate it.

This blog is a (sometimes musical) documentary of my personal dance through the darkness and into the light.

Some of the things that helped me most were walks in nature.Going for walks in my neighborhood and out in nature has been a HUGE comfort. I walk on curbs to practice balance, which I feel goes directly to the energy body in the brain, uniting right and left and sync'ing spatial awareness.


I also like to snip bits of milk thistle, dandelion leaves, rosemary blossoms and other herbal edibles along the way. I clean them, eat them, and connect with the DNA of my particular patch of Mama Gaia.



I also have been really connecting with music of all sorts. The last break-up I had, there was some music that I just couldn't listen to for ages. Bjork's Vespertine would have killed me, but this time, I decided to let the music do with me what it would, and she definitely had her way with me!



I've found it therapeutic to put together a musical journey that is a representation of my path through the loss of my relationship I, at one point, thought was "the one."



Today I listened to it as I walked to my favorite oak tree to commune, and as I felt the moss and smelled the wet lichen, I was inspired to share it with you.



So, you're cordially invited to join me each week for the next 23 weeks for my SOUNDTRACK THROUGH A BREAK-UP: A Victorious LOVE Story.
Song #1 Movin' Right Along